I haven’t written a blog post for a long time. My focus has been on healing and growth for the past several months, and the time and energy I’ve spent has brought big rewards. I graduated from the RDAP program on November 7th, and requested a transfer to a camp in Victorville, California on the same day. I’m hoping that I will have a transfer date soon, and will keep you posted. When I get to California I will meet with a counselor to schedule my exact out date and we are beyond excited! My family has been on this journey with me, and we are looking forward to what comes next. My appreciation for your love and support would be impossible to convey in a blog post. I am deeply humbled. I have so many incredible stories to share, and a great deal of love for the women I’ve met in prison. One of my sweet friends in RDAP asked me to read a letter that she wrote to her son today, and with her permission I would like to share some of it with you.
“To my darling son,
I want you to know how much I miss you today. This week has been emotional for me, the holidays are here and oh how I wish we were spending them together! I celebrated Thanksgiving recently so I’m going to share a few things that I am grateful for. I am grateful for the connection that I feel to you as I write this letter, and for the motivation you give me each day to be a better person. I am grateful for the hope and faith God has filled my heart with; I know He will bring us together again when the time is right. I am grateful that you have a grandmother who is giving you the best life she can, and I am grateful for the relationship that I have with our Savior, Jesus Christ, and the love I have for Him. Most of all I am grateful God chose you to be my son; that was His greatest gift to me. I look forward to a time when we will be able to spend our Thanksgivings together, and I would like to know some of the things you are grateful for? I want to share a story with you. I can look back now and giggle, but at the time I was an emotional wreck. When we do something good in treatment we get to make a homemade card. I was excited when I found out that I would get to make a card, and wanted to make one that you would really love. I tried my best to make it nice, but I’m not very creative, and I messed up the card. Instead of a Christmas card it turned out to be a silly robot card. I thought I had failed and was heartbroken! My friends told me what a cool card it was, probably to get me to stop crying; but I thought you wouldn’t like it and I wanted to throw it away. I didn’t end up throwing it away though because someone told me you might like it even more because it was made from my heart especially for you. My counselor pulled me to the side to see what the fuss was about, and that’s when I realized my feelings were way beyond the card. You see, I am sad right now that I have missed so much time with you, and so many memories. It hurts me that I’ve hurt you. I have made some really bad choices, and I am doing my best to change and make sure that doesn’t happen again. I am sending the card to my aunt, she saves all the letters I write you. I have asked her to put it away, along with a really nice card that a sweet girl here made for you when she saw how upset I was. Hers is better, but mine was made with love and the story won’t ever be forgotten. I know these letters won’t make it to you immediately, but one day they will, and it’s my hope that you will know then how loved you were. I want you to know that you were with me every step of the way. I also hope that you and your grandmother will be able to forgive me someday. I love her dearly too, and know that you are both in the loving arms of our Savior Jesus Christ.
Love Mom”
The woman that wrote this letter is one of our Father in heavens precious daughters, and she is my dear friend. It is my hope that you will pray for my sisters in Federal prison who are separated from their children this holiday season. Thank you for following along.
